Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
