I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
