Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
