So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Success! We fucked roommates!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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