I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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