its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
