you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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