did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
