somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
