I accidentally had phone sex last night
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
