We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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