so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
