The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
