He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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