you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
