They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
