Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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