I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
