Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
