I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He shit in the fireplace
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
