Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
