You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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