The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
