i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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