Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
