new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Pants are for mortals
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
