Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
