Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
