Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
