so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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