Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
