LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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