she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
