? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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