He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
