He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
