I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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