Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
