mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
