he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
