6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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