We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
