remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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