i don't like sucking hair
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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