Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
