hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
