My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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