Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
