if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Success! We fucked roommates!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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