Umm I'm too high to move.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
my liver is dry heaving
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
