All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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