I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
