The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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