he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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